AbuseTwisting, turning, thoughtful thinker.Struggle in bed, don't go to sleep,Close your eyes, don't make a peep.He is back and hunting his ground.Open your slits through which you see,A life at its conception.The tear of pain open for all but me.Thrust up your arm, escape.Wailing, moaning, flashing, speed.A life time of torment ends in pain.Eternally yours, forever mine,An alternate reality down the white lane.
SchizophreniaI see themThey talk to me all the timeThey tell me thingsSometimes they tell me to hurt peoplePeople I lovePeople I hateUsually a little girl visits meThough she never grows olderShe plays jacks in the living roomIt constantly distracts meMy wife can't see themAnd I know she thinks I'm insaneShe threatens to take the baby and leaveI try to make things better so she won'tI love her too muchThe people who visit me tell me the government is plotting against meThat they have put a microchip in my armI've tried to dig it out but can never find itI can't stop them from comingI want them to leaveBut they won'tI can't stop themI can't control themI just want to be normalů.
some nightssome nights i lay awake and replay the good times. over and over again, like a famous lullaby. i fall into my dreams and there you are, waiting for me as usual. it always plays the same. the way we used to be. happy, flawless, and so in love. everything just falls into place. squeezing our hands together so tight, you'd think they'd morph together. holding onto me as if you're afraid i'll disappear. making the promises we thought we'd keep. whispering all those sweet nothings.some nights, i still love you.some nights, i think you still love me too.
you're worth itwe may both be hurtingbut i knowwe can also healone scar at a timei'll try to touch themwith each kiss, hug, and wordi'm sure it will bean even exchangewe still gave to learnhow to handle each otherand i know we canpiece by piecerelationships are a lot morethan love notes and poemsthey are hard workbut i know you're worth it
one yearIt's been a year since I last saw you.Your wide smile.Your camouflage hat.You sitting in your favorite chair calling me your little 'pain in the ass.'It became a term of endearment between us.I still wish that day never happened. I wish everyday you were still here, and I know if thoughts and tears could bring you back, you'd be in this rocking chair again and I'd be on the couch, not having to even think about writing this.We're still putting up with your two-faced family and mom and I refuse to believe you were ever related to those pathetic people. I think they've made mom cry more than anything else and I will never forgive them for what they've done.It's been such a roller coaster year for mom and I since you left. I graduated high school, went into college, let loose tears like rain, broke my own heart by breaking someone else's, battled my inner demons, and have tried to keep this little family together as best as I can.Mom said that when you first came here, all you bro
PermanentControl of emotionNo longerMy defense mechanismThough surelyA weaknessThis partial piecingOf crushed glassJust won't doThey won't fit untilIt comes aroundTo youTears don't solve the puzzleEven if they numb the painThe resentmentIt's only temporaryA pointless dull knifeI can't figure outThe answerBut I dread to say that this silenceMay be permanentFor life
LifesaverI want to try and be there againSave your lifeTake your handAnd be your little rain of sunshineIn a world of rain cloudsGive you a confidence boostTo do your bestWhenever you feel like giving upRemind you how beautifulYou are in my eyesAnd how much you mean to meEvery. Single. Day.
like a broken dollPlay with me like a Rubix CubeLine us up on your Chess boardPaint these lies like Pictionary'I love you' Repeat the tired lineLike a Mother Goose poemIt must be second nature to you nowI was just a toyIn this little gameThe entire timeI thought thatOut of everyoneI would be worth moreYou spun your ownLittle web of liesAnd you're still tryingTo trap us allI wish I could have knownBefore it got to thisHow you really areHiding underneath that smirkYou really don't careAbout how many hearts you breakCracking us open until we bleedYou were the bad oneAll this timeAnd never worthAll I gaveSo keep sitting thereLaughing in the backgroundPretending to loveWhen you have no clueOf the damage you've done
i promisei know i'm different. i know i mess up. i know i'm a bit of a fuck up. i know my opinions stand a bit stronger than others. i know i can be highly confusing.but one thing i know for sure beyond anything else is that i love you.you, my dear sweet emily, who means the world to me. i made promises to you that i plan to keep. you don't deserve anymore pain. you don't deserve to feel broken anymore. i want you. i need you.you are my angel, my sunshine, my sweetness...all i want is you. i want to be able to repair your heart and erase your scars. i will be there for you as soon as i can be, i promise. i am proud to be yours and be in love with you. i hope someday soon i can hold you for real while we watch our childhood favorites giving each other popcorn and sneaking kisses. i want to meet all our friends and let them get to know me and hopefully like me. i want to hear you sing, to me and only me...we just need to keep being patient.i just want you to know you are the best thing that's
to me...To me you'll always be...an angela wonderful friendsomeone I can go to anytimea brilliant writera beautiful person, inside and outsomeone I'll misssomeone I loveand loved as more than a friendThe Emily to my NaomiI'll always be here whenever you need me, never forget it. And you'll always have a special place in my heart.
all I can doI want to help you stay happyAnd be the best friend I can beLend a helping hand whenever it's neededChase bad thoughts awayErase the invisible scarsHelp you solve your problemsKeep your smile realBe a shoulder to cry onAnd comfort as best I canThat is all I can do for you for now