Usually been told to do soI used to wish I was dead,but then I realized,my pain is gone...I've had so much pain,now I don't wish to die,I'm already somehow dead...I loved you,I loved you,I loved you...I hate you,I hate you,I hate you...Sometimes I miss you,the old you...But then I remember how you hung me dry...I want to be dramatic,I want to cry,but I simply can't...I can't explain it...I love youbut I never want you back...I loved you,you'll remember throwing it away,one day...I tried,I gave it my best,I gave it my all...Trying to be positive,but there's nothing to be positive about,nothing at all to smile about...I want to cry but I can't...I want to scream but I can't...I want to sleep and never wake up,my dreams are much sweeter than reality,sometimes even more realistic than reality itself...I'm trying,but my will is dying...I'm just going to go with the flow,as I've usually been told to do so...
You're still goneThey say life is very short,But without you,It feels like five lifetimes.Five meaningless,Dull, boring,Lightless lifetimes.Though I can feel you near,You'll never againBe real.How does death become you?Has heaven providedFor you well?Not that I'd know it,But I think if he is there with youHe's been cared for as well.It seems so unfairHe gets an eternity,I get a lock of hair.I still love you,Darling, don't doubt it,Especially now that it is night.I look aroundI can almost see youIn the moonlight.I reach out to hold you close,But as it is,You're naught but a ghost.It's hard to breathe withThis knife your deathHas left in my chest.If I close my eyesI can see you swirling, happyIn that evening dress.I still have it at home,But without your warmthI'm alone.Don't fret for me dearest,I know I'll see you againSomeday.But until then,I've nothing but moonlight,And you're still gone.- Your dearest Edmund, 1938
Locked in my mindThe rest of them aren't perfect,But you are,You never change.You're always there,Listening, smiling,Waiting, contemplating.If someone had told me thenHow it would all endI'd have done better.Forever,But who knew it'd beNever?I remember talking to you,They tell me I was wasting my time,Talking to someone who will never talk back.Someone who will never touch meOr hold me, or dry my tearsOr kiss me.That's all I want,But they say it'll never happenYou're locked in my head.A glass wall impossible to crossI can see youI can almost feel you...But we'll never be.And I love you,How can they say I don't?I need you, don't go!They pull me awayI need you, you're the only one who understandsYou visit me in my sleep.Comforting,Carrying me to the dream worldHow can they say you're not here?That you're not real,That you don't exist,Even though you sit taunting?My darling,I love you.They're wrong.If only you could be here,Away from your prison,Where you'll never
The Asphalt MelodyThe asphalt imbeddedInto my melodyChorusing from in to outHe was continualI was contrastingA fight for the spotlightWith tempo of abundanceSweet tire song hummingI sang of nothing but enduranceDelicate tender stroke of the handleRushing wind of the asphalt songWhirling of the sopranoAs my melody restedThe asphalt sang baritoneIn a thud, it now leaves a markThe audience witnessA moment in flatA shrill of painA split of divineThe tune it sangCame to an endMy head split with a beautiful parting giftPebbles of quiet but lasting memorySweet songs of pain.
A beginningShadows eclipse the sunshine in my worldas I stand alone, in my own failuresand fears.No more raindrops, only tearsSome real and others silentmourning a dark past.These black clouds won't last foreverthey will be gone;before a new,and more colourful, dusk.
pretty girls break heartssometimes I think I'm a mess of unexplainable metaphors and sadistic half truths. when you're half way through writing me you realise you forgot what you wanted to say and that there's no truth behind it, but you don't stop.my ego continues to rise just like my debt, I'm so high yet im sober. I can't do soprano yet I can hear the angels' sweet voice coming from my oropharynx. I don't understand what I haven't learnt but you make me feel like I know all there is, all there exists in this world and in universes that surround in dimensions that could never be remotely fathomed in the human mind."why do you make me feel this way?""it's just you"I could never figure out how. was it the way I would move your hair from your face because it stole the beauty from your eyes or was it the way you always woke up in the morning with a message on your phone that would say'just saying goodnight to you helps me sleep at night.so goodnight my love'or maybe it was just the way I would put my arm
Eroded HomeThe day I left the mountain movedA blown volcano- one part youThe ash was strewn across the sea- one part you- two parts me. We trampled down the knee high grassand made a stage for moth and manbut the earth kept moving, like a dancers dress eroding and sinking the populousThe boats collapsed- fell into the sea
All I wanted...My human heartRequires attentionA person to heal itBut nobody seems to careBut then someone suddenly appearsWith the wrong intentionsGiving me false hopeYou are just like all the restYou use meLike a mere toyAnd wants to throw me away when I'm no longer usefulBut I objectI ask and I beg and I pleadBut you do not listenAnd just go awayLeaving me behind once againAnd here I amOnce againAlone in the darknessWith another piece of my soul broken
MonsterousA pittiful beastSo dour and distraughtWith tension and arroganceLooming overheadThere is no room for her massive clawsHer drooping jawsOr her grimaceThat slowly takes over the corridorReflects in the mirrorAnd then bounces off the floorAnd into my hands